


Come Morning Light

by rainbowbadges (characterizer)



Category: Free!
Genre: Bilingual Character(s), Denial, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Parent Death, Post-Season/Series 02, Team as Family, also this is super up for editing cause im really not satisfied w it soooooooo, gratuitous chinese, haru rin and mako havent graduated yet but its like winter time so theyre getting close, no beta we die like fools, only like a lil bit tho, read the warnings in beginning notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 11:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/characterizer/pseuds/rainbowbadges
Summary: Peace is a tenuous thing.





	Come Morning Light

**Author's Note:**

> oh man oh boy my first work for the free! fandom in nearly 6 years..... please be kind to me skdfjsdfk.. anyways this was only supposed to be like a 500 word drabble but it turned alchemy-like into 2k so go me ig. also i wrote this while exhausted so i didn't edit, might be typos or other mistakes in there. i'll come back and edit at some point perhaps. ALSO i got to pour some of my own personal little haru things in there that i've been thinking about for a long time so.. enjoy those. n e ways
> 
> warnings: uhhh obv panic attack, it's not graphic or even described past brief words but it's there so be aware of that. also car accidents are a THING in this, also not graphic but things dont always have to be graphically described to be triggering so i'm warning you now. also extremely brief (like one sentence long at the very end) description of a corpse, and there's a lot of denial as a grief response. be careful

The kotatsu is warm while they study. They can hear Haruka working on a new pot of tea in the kitchen, and the room is cozy with all five of them crowded around the table (save for the spot left empty for Haru when he comes back in). Rei leans over towards Rin as he explains a formula that he remembers doing in his second year. Nagisa is reading through and highlighting an article and talking about something at lightning speed to Gou, and she nods along with interest while doing her own bit of studying with a book and a pad for notes. Makoto reads quietly and listens to the rest of the room with a fragment of his attention, content to just exist without contributing to any individual conversation.

All is peaceful. Haruka moves about the kitchen as he waits for the kettle to heat the water up again, and rearranges the small stock of tea in his cupboard for maybe the fourth time in impatience. The kitchen is a bit colder than the living room was and it’s kind of uncomfortable; he’s eager to get back to his friends, even if he doesn’t like to vocalize how softly he feels for all of them.  He hears his generic ringtone in the other room, but doesn’t acknowledge it. Makoto normally picks up his phone for him anyways. The group around the kotatsu startles mildly at the sudden ringing of the phone. True to nature, Makoto reaches over and looks at the caller ID to see who’s calling before he opens it. The contact name surprises him, _Mom._ Rin leans forward to try and get a better look,” Who is it?” Everyone else at the table shares the curiosity when Makoto takes pause.

“Haru, it’s your mom!” He calls to the kitchen, and everyone is appropriately confused. It’s odd for her to call at any other time of year than April when the school year begins, his birthday, or when the team has a big meet coming up. Haruka peers through the doorway with a quiet little hum,” Do you think it’s important?”

Haruka shakes his head,” Maybe. Might just be checking on me. It’s cold this winter.” He shrugs and then takes the still ringing phone. He flips it open and stands with a hand on one hip with the phone to his ear, and they all have a little bit of a giggle at his stance. It’s both weirdly sassy for him, and also just right for his personality. “喂, 妈妈?” An almost frantic voice can be heard on the other end of the line, and his eyes widen marginally.

They’re all well aware of Haruka’s maternal family being Chinese, but it’s always kind of jarring for them to hear him switch so suddenly to it from Japanese. Well, maybe with the acception of Makoto, who had heard his fair share of it between Haruka and his grandmother when they were children. He’s visibly frowning as he listens to his mother talk, and his feet shuffle before he walks back to the kitchen when the kettle starts whistling. They don’t hear him talk-probably still listening- until he’s standing at the doorway between the kitchen and the living room with a new pot of tea. “我不明白你在说什么。爸爸怎么了?” Makoto frowns in concern when he mentions his dad.

Even from where they sit, everyone can vaguely hear the distressed (and kind of loud) tone of Nanase Nuan’s voice as she explains…. Whatever she’s explaining to her son. There’s a fair amount of worry around the kotatsu now. Makoto sits up a little straighter when Haruka’s face gets a little more distant in expression. Something is most definitely wrong. He makes this quiet _‘oh’_ sound and then nods even though his mother can’t see him.”好。当事情变得更加平静时，我会回电话。” His voice is almost a whisper when he replies to her a second later,”我也爱你。” The phone snaps shut and he stares at it stone faced.

Makoto starts to stand up, and everyone turns towards Haru more fully. “Haru?” Makoto gets no reply, and Haruka doesn’t even twitch. Not a good sign. “Haruka?” When his full name is called his hand jerks, and he looks up as if startled before almost dropping his phone and then clumsily catching it before it can hit the floor. The tea pot stays firmly in his grasp. Had.. had he forgotten they were there? “Are you okay, Haru? What happened?”

Haruka’s cheeks twitch, and his nose crinkles just a bit. Makoto is the most well versed person in the room when it comes to Haru’s body language and tiny facial cues, but he’s not being as subtle as he normally is and the message is broadcast to the room as ‘ _I am probably going to cry very soon_ ’. It’s out of place on him, especially since he hasn’t cried (or at least in front of them) since his grandmother died. Everyone is experiencing an absolutely absurd amount of worry for him now. Rin’s voice is pitched up a little bit with emotion,” Haru?” It’s just his name, but it seems to remind Haru that everyone else is also in the room, even if he’s only been looking at Makoto. He clenches his jaw and locks down his expression to one of cool neutrality. It’s a struggle to do, and it only serves to increase the tension in the room.

His insecurities surrounding crying in front of other people teeters on the edge of a precipice. Grief froths like the angry sea in his chest, and he’s seriously considering either shutting down completely or just letting shit out and letting himself break down. It’d be so much easier than waiting until they were all gone, which doesn’t seem like it’ll be anytime soon. He trusts them. They wouldn’t make fun of him for ugly crying like a child over something like _this._ Haruka’s next breath hiccups in his chest and he flounders for words before finally speaking,” My.” He cuts himself off to try to take another full breath; he can’t get air in like he should be able to, so he ends up struggling for it for maybe ten more seconds before he can speak again.”My māmā called be.. Because my dad’s car lost, uhm. He.” More clawing desperately for words to explain things. No matter how deep he breathes it feels like there’s not enough filling his lungs.

A large hand grasps his that’ve been white knuckling his phone and the handle of the tea pot this entire time, and he’s pulled around the kotatsu to sit down again. His hands are eased from around them gently by Makoto and set on the table. Makoto’s hand is big and warm on his back, and Haruka belatedly realizes he feels very cold. Maybe that explains why his hands are shaking. Yeah. His best friend’s voice is soothing when Haru leans into his touch,” Breathe, Haruka. Take your time, you’ll be okay.” Makoto hasn’t him called him by his full given name in a long time, is something wrong? Haru blinks rapidly when he recalls that, oh yeah, he’s having a panic attack. That makes sense. He draws in a deep, shuddering breath and coughs when it strains his lungs. Makoto continues to rub his back right where it feels best between his shoulder blades, and his voice is a soft murmur in his ear telling him that he’ll be okay. He’s doing so well, he can take his time.

Eventually Haruka comes back from the strange zone panic attacks always put him in, and he stares at his hands and the cellphone that sits inches away from his knuckles. Rei’s voice is just as soft as Makoto’s when he asks,” Are you okay to talk?” After a few minutes. Haruka knows Rei isn’t a stranger to panic, and they’ve gotten close over the past two years of knowing each other. Makoto’s hand is still on his back, and it’s gone from grounding to kind of overwhelming with the fabric of his shirt rubbing around on his skin. He shifts a little, and Makoto gets the message. The feeling of no physical contact though feels cold, and it’s like there’s too little sensation to ground him. He reaches for Makoto’s hand, and Makoto happily holds his.

This is all so _exhausting_ but it’s happening and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. He’s just getting swept along in the current. Haruka is helpless and flailing for a shore that isn’t in sight. A small hand is on his arm, and he looks up to make eye contact with Nagisa. “Is this okay, Haru-chan?” Haruka nods minutely, but then decides to verbally respond as well.

He gives a small,” Yeah.” The rest of the group hesitantly takes that as a cue to scoot closer and place gentle hands on his forearms. They’re all being so _kind_ with him. He’s not alone. That thought is like a balm on his fear of being open with them. They _care about him_ and they won’t let him go through this alone. Haruka doesn’t need to go through this alone. He sucks in another breath through his mouth and lets it out through his nose slowly. His voice croaks when he speaks again. “My māmā called to, to tell me that my dad lost control of his car on some ice when he was driving back to their apartment. He… he.” Haru’s hands shake while he trips over what he wants to say. “There was a truck coming.” Sharp intakes of air ring around the table. He finds it increasingly hard to talk and swallows heavily. “Dad didn’t even make it to the hospital.”

Everyone’s gripping his arms (and hand) tightly, but he finds that he doesn’t mind it. Something about it feels like they’re keeping him on Earth. The air is heavy, and the previous warmth and peace has been sucked out of the room. Dad’s death doesn’t even feel real to him yet, really. It feels absurd that he could be dead. Gone forever just like that. It’s a lot to process for him, and he feels a lot like how he did when Nǎinai died. Like if somebody told him that they were dead he would’ve looked at them like they were delusional, and maybe even scoff at the insinuation. It had to be a joke, a cruel prank pulled on him that would be revealed to be fake come the next morning. This denial had coated him like a blanket even when he’d been the one to come home from school to the smell of rot and Nǎinai’s body when he was 14. He feels no different now.

The world comes to him as if underwater. He’s leaning on Makoto, and is absolutely ready to shut down for a few days before he really breaks down. He can hear them talking about him (had only kind of registered them trying to talk to him and then giving up when he didn’t respond), but he doesn’t care. Haruka is so exhausted. Makoto’s arm is warm around him, and his heartbeat is thunderous under his ear. His head is both in the clouds and under the sea. He’s cold, but the kotatsu is warm. Makoto is warm. The voices of his friends are a comfort. He closes his eyes and everything seems fake.

Maybe the joke will be over come morning light.

**Author's Note:**

> probably wont write anything further than this but?? it was fun to write so!! yay me ig. uh? sorry if the chinese sucks i'm rusty and had to use my good bitch google for things


End file.
